My Friend, Greg Larsen
Greg, my friend, left five weeks ago for Germany which saw us spend five weeks apart. Towards the end of this trip I had a horribly vivid dream in which Greg died while partying in a German club and I was informed by some of his other friends.
Feeling awful about the poor treatment I sometimes dish out Gregs way, I decided to write him a friendship card, to express that if he were to die, I wouldn’t really like it that much.
Dear Greg
When I had the dream about you dying, it made me realise how much I take our friendship for granted and how much I would miss your beautiful face, if you actually were to die.
Although I regularly harass you for various truths; including but not limited to - not being a real man, wearing camo-pants, wetting your hair with your hands that have just been washed after doing a poo and being a self hating member of generation x; I want you to know I genuinely appreciate the fact that we are mates.
The mateship that I talk of is a similar situation to that cat and dog, Milo and Otis, from that movie, ‘The Adventures of Milo and Otis (1986)’. I would be Milo because I don’t take shit from no one and I would also be represented by 95% of the dog Otis because I am a mad dog, obviously. The remaining 5% of Otis, in this instance his tongue, would represent you. Mostly because dogs quite often make contact to their bumholes and genitals with their tongues, but also because having a dog lick you can be quite an affectionate experience, and like it or not, we have a great deal of affection for each other.
Another way of explaining my connection to you is this - if I were a girl, I wouldn’t personally hook up with you, but I would put in a good word with a kind of okay/desperate cousin from Central Queensland. You know, because I just care too damn much.
I hope that this card has displayed that despite my unwaveringly cool exterior, I do care about you on a very deep level. Please don’t die.
Sincerely
Henry Stone
Also attached in the card is a picture of me that I created to reflect our friendship.
Gregs name is written on my chest in strawberry jam because that represents the sweetness of our connection.
I am holding a plant because that represents how our bond will grow.
The thumbs-up is just a classic thumbs-up.
